Lived experiences
Age NI
Dorothy, recently bereaved, was isolated and alone after years of caring for older relatives.
For many isolated older people, this telephone call can be their only link to the outside world. ‘I had forgotten how to talk with other people.’ – Dorothy
There are around 80,000 older people living alone in Northern Ireland. Research shows that social isolation and loneliness have a significant and serious impact on physical, mental, and emotional health and can contribute to early death. Last year Age NI’s Check in and Chat telephone service supported 251 older people with almost 9,000 friendship calls.
Dorothy, aged 69, now receives a weekly call from Lucy, one of our trained volunteers. ‘I really missed hearing the human voice and confiding in someone. The weekly phone call is my sunshine, I look forward to it. Lucy has helped me feel more motivated and hopeful.’
Life circumstances can change. Ill-health, losing close friends and family or retiring from the job you love can leave some older people feeling isolated and alone.
Age NI’s Check in and Chat friendship calls, give the gift of friendship to older people who are maybe isolated and alone.
Cancer Focus NI
When an adult in the family is diagnosed with cancer it affects the entire family. It can be a distressing, isolating and frightening time. Sometimes, it can be hard for a family to openly talk about exactly how it feels to go through a cancer journey.
For children and young people, it can bring unwanted and dramatic changes to their lives and can affect their experience of school, relationships, and ongoing development.
Cancer Focus Northern Ireland’s Family Support is one way for children, parents, and guardians to express their emotions. An opportunity to talk one-to-one or as a group in a safe, non-judgmental environment.
Cancer Focus NI’s Family Support team were there for the Nicholas family at a time when they were ready to explore emotions and prepare for their new future without a husband and father.
We are honoured to share the story of Charlotte and her two young daughters, six-year-old Olivia and three-year-old Lilah. Their lives were forever changed when Charlotte’s husband, Gavin, received a diagnosis of terminal cancer at just 39—only three months shy of his 40th birthday.
“After Gavin was diagnosed in 2023 with terminal cancer, we knew we no longer had the luxury of planning a long future as a family. I became a little obsessed with trying to make sure last year was our best Christmas yet but unfortunately, his health had majorly deteriorated by December, and he spent it in hospital and unable to enjoy the usual activities with us as a family!
However, he did make it down on Christmas morning to see our girls open their Santa presents, which helped create some lasting memories. This year is hanging over us as a family as it will be our first without him.
Luckily Cancer Focus NI have come into our lives. Their Family Support team have been fantastic and helped us prepare for our first Christmas with Gavin. They are helping us as a family to express our emotions and make us feel like we are not alone. Their fantastic family social evenings and events are helping my daughters connect with other children who have experienced loss.”
Childline NI
Neglect: Steve’s story
Steve’s home became unsafe when his mum started dealing drugs and disappearing for days at a time.
“always locked in our bedroom”
“My home life got increasingly worse from the age of about 8 years old when mum’s drug dealer partner moved in. Drugs took over family life. My brother and I were always locked in our bedroom as soon as we got home from school and then let out to go to school the next morning.
“Sometimes we didn’t see mum for days at a time. We made our own breakfast and were given takeaway for dinner all the time, also in our bedrooms. I could hear the drug dealing going on.
“There was a constant stream of people dealing drugs at all hours in the flat and some of them were pretty scary, so mum and her boyfriend just wanted us out of the way. The flat was regularly raided by police, sometimes in the middle of the night. They would bang down the door, yelling and ordering us around. That was really rough.
“Money wasn’t a problem: I had new clothes, plenty of toys, computers, but no mum in my life. She only thought about drugs and her boyfriend was very controlling. I didn’t really have any parenting.
I think everyone, knew about my family’s drug problem and no-one talked about it.
“Once a teacher dropped me home and mum told me not to let anyone come round, or my brother and I would be taken away into care. That was my greatest fear because it seemed really unknown and I didn’t know what it really meant.
“I learnt to keep agencies out: they weren’t to be trusted. I made sure I went to school and covered up any problems. I tried to be good at school as much as I could. I think everyone, knew about my family’s drug problem and no-one talked about it.
“I think it was obvious to teachers that we didn’t have the right clothes sometimes, had a lot of cash for children of our age and that no-one was looking out for us. I felt out of place at school.
“My brother and I did our own thing, sometimes staying out really late, whenever we wanted to. I would fall asleep at school sometimes after staying up late. Looking back it was really unsafe – anything could have happened to us.
Sometimes I would find her passed out. When I couldn’t wake her up, I thought she was dead and it was really scary. I ran away once. I just didn’t know what to do.
“Things reached a real crisis point when I was about 11 years old. Mum was sent to prison and when she came out a couple of years later, I went back to live with her again.
“Things were okay with mum for about six months then it got much worse because mum would smoke heroin in front of me. After doing it in front of me a couple of times, it was like she thought it was OK and normal. That felt really horrible.
“Sometimes I would find her passed out. When I couldn’t wake her up, I thought she was dead and it was really scary. I ran away once. I just didn’t know what to do.
“By this age, I had started to think what was happening at home really wasn’t right and that other children didn’t live like this. Luckily for me, I had other family to rely on and I went to live for good with my aunty. She made me healthy meals, made sure I washed and went to bed on time.
“I really liked it there and felt really cared for. Looking back, I think if the school or social services had recognised the situation and our family had got help earlier maybe it might have been better for me.
“I came to the NSPCC (which Childline is part of) when I was 13 years old. I joined a group for children of parents with substance abuse problems and it really changed my life. Most importantly, I met other young people who had been through similar experiences and I wasn’t alone.
“It helped me make the most of my life and I stayed at school and did well. As I got older I helped many of the younger children in the group who had similar problems.”
NI Chest Heart & Stroke
At aged just 35, Clodagh, from Magherafelt suffered a devastating stroke. It was so severe it resulted in Locked-in Syndrome, which left her body completely paralysed and only able to communicate through a Blinkboard. She spent nearly 8 months in hospital fighting through an experience most people would consider their worst nightmare. When Clodagh woke up in the Intensive Care Unit, she was utterly terrified. She couldn’t move a muscle and inside her head, she was screaming ‘I’m here!’ She was a prisoner in her own body.
For almost 3 months Clodagh was unable to move or speak but her mind remained completely alert and she was fully aware of everything happening around her. When she began showing signs of recovery, she was transferred to specialist rehab unit, RABIU where she had to learn to breathe, swallow, walk and talk again.
Clodagh attended NICHS’s Post Rehab Exercise Programme (PREP), a physiotherapy-led, community-based course which helps rebuild people’s lives following a stroke. At PREP everyone’s journey is different, but everyone has the same hope – to recover from a stroke. Early access to rehab can speed up recovery by boosting the brain’s ability to adapt and heal. Essentially it can help stroke survivors reclaim their lives.
Clodagh is back to work and driving again and leads a busy life – but it has been a long and harrowing period in her life. She is also a proud advocate for stroke survivors and frequently shares her own story so others can see there is hope following a stroke.
We are proud to have been part of her recovery journey.
RNIB Northern Ireland
Accessible letters from Santa helped kids with a vision impairment feel included in the magic of Christmas
“It meant that our girls didn’t have to feel like they’re different to other children, and that’s important.”
Deborah Jackson, mum of two from Glengormley, is praising RNIB (the Royal National Institute of Blind People) for helping Santa send accessible letters to children with a vision impairment. Each year the sight loss charity teams up with Santa to send out letters in Braille, large print, audio, and email. A beautiful way to ensure that every child gets to feel the wonder and magic of Christmas by receiving a personalised letter from Santa in a reading format especially for them.
Deborah lives with her husband and two daughters Lila and Bethany in Glengormley. Bethany aged five and Lila aged eight both live with vision impairment as a result of Stickler Syndrome. Both girls attend Jordanstown School and are very excited for Christmas.
Mum Deborah said: “For us, when something like a letter from Santa is made accessible it means a lot more than you might think. It means our girls don’t have to feel like they’re different to other children and that’s important.
“To receive a letter from Santa that they can sit and read themselves. It doesn’t have to be read for them. It’s about being included and it’s about enjoying Christmas as they should.”
This special Santa service has grown in popularity year on year and last Christmas the RNIB elves were thrilled to send 1,604 letters from Santa to children all across the UK.
Young Lives vs Cancer
“When your child is diagnosed with cancer, you forget about yourself. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and you have no choice but to do it.”
Hunter was only four months old when he was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. He spent 103 days very ill in paediatric intensive care. As a result of his tumours, Hunter has been left with serious mobility issues and requires the support of a wheelchair.
His mum, Emma, recalls the day they learned Hunter had cancer. She said: “We were in shock and just were in disbelief. I just thought, ‘how can a baby this small, so tiny and innocent have cancer?’
“Every day was a worry. Hunter’s tumour was pressing on his oesophagus. Doctors said how much sleep they were losing over him. They didn’t know, when they would come back into work, if Hunter would be there or not.”
Hunter’s diagnosis also had a massive impact on his family’s wellbeing. Emma had to split her time between Hunter and his younger sister, who was born with Down syndrome and a hole in her heart.
She said: “At one point, Hunter was in intensive care in Belfast and his sister was in hospital in Dublin. We just wanted to make sure both kids get the best care they can.
“Hunter’s diagnosis had a massive impact on us all. You’re just sat watching your four-month-old baby. All you want to do is take his pain away and it was so hard. You can’t lift him up, you can’t cuddle him. We could only hold his hand and watch him. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and you have no choice but to do it.
“But our Young Lives vs Cancer Specialist Social Worker Lori was there to help us get all the emotional, mental and financial help we needed. I first met Lori in the hospital. She was fantastic. Without her, we would have been lost.”
Lori recalls those days: “I was just taking the time to build that relationship with the family. Just the consistency of always being at the other end of the phone. My aim is to reduce any stress they might be feeling and make things easier for them.”
Every month 360 children and young people in the UK will hear the life-changing news that they have cancer. Our specialist social workers are there for them every step of the way.
Hunter is now two years old and is back at home, enjoying the independence his new wheelchair has brought him.